“During the time when you’re apart don’t think about the fight. Gottman, Ph.D., co-founder and president of the Gottman Institute. If you find that your heart is pounding during an argument, take a break, said Julie S. The findings suggested that same-sex couples tended to be more positive when bringing up a disagreement and were also more likely to remain positive after a disagreement when compared to heterosexual couples.
And David will just simply take the piss out of it and make me laugh,” Rave said.Ī 2003 study compared 40 same-sex couples with 40 heterosexual couples over the course of 12 years to learn what makes same-sex relationships succeed or fail. “For me, as a general rule, I self-admittedly will get very much in my head. Rave cited a recent car trip where Forrest, 35, used humor to help end an escalating argument over whether they should rely on Google Maps. Here are some constructive methods to handle disagreements, as observed by researchers of gay couples: Use humor to defuse angerĬracking a joke in the midst of a heated moment can backfire, but when done properly, “it almost immediately releases the tension,” said Robert Rave, 45, who lives with his husband, David Forrest, in Los Angeles. They have problems just like everyone else.īut because male and female same-sex couples each have different strengths that help them endure, we can all learn from them, Miller said. There are always exceptions, and even the healthiest of gay couples are not continually basking in a rainbow-hued utopia.
“It’s more kind of tense and quiet and sort of process heavy.”īut is there really a lesbian way to fight? Or a way to address conflict that is specific to gay men? While there is not much research to draw from, the studies that do exist suggest that, on average, same-sex couples resolve conflict more constructively than different-sex couples, and with less animosity. “It feels like a very lesbian way to fight. They had each been coping with this in different ways. Arian, 39, a freelance musician, is working much less than she typically would. The couple is caring for their 9-month-old daughter while also guiding their 7-year-old daughter through distance learning. “One of the things that came up was this stress that we’re both under as a result of the quarantine,” Cadrain, 37, said.